|Speaking out : Bullying, Teens React and eyeliner comments
||[Nov. 19th, 2012|10:41 am]
Watched this video sometime back, but the severity of the bullying issue only hit with this Teens React posting on Amanda Todd.
I count myself lucky to not have been a victim of physical bullying or abuse. Though yeah, everyone's been on the end of hurtful comments, but we've all sort of taken it as part of life. Kids can get really malicious with gossip and bringing others down.. they can get carried away. I've had my fair share of 'hate' - people not liking what I do or judging me at face value, and sad to say I've pre-judged people via first impressions as well. It's easy to dismiss them as a type cos it saves you the trouble of getting to know someone better, but I've been proven wrong quite a few times. I am more conscious of this bullying issue now - be it unintentional or accidental, I know how the things people say can stick with you. Like how a guy friend used to call me chubs all the time (not in an affectionate way), or when classmates thought being bi was a joke (I tried to be good-humoured about it but it sucked at points, like when they think you like all girls or they literally treated you like a guy) or when people started hating on my eye make-up. I think that hurt quite a bit, cos there were so many comments going around on 'natural beauty' and how guys like girls without make-up.. and if I'd gone without, I'll probably be ugly.
What makes it okay for people to say that?
I got defensive, I built my walls up. I didn't think it was nice at all, especially when I knew I was the subject of quite a few girl cliques discussing how the make-up was the only reason people thought I was "pretty". I never thought of myself as "pretty", or wanted to be that. It made me more confident of myself, with what I wore, or how I met people for the first time. In the beginning I played along, but after a while it got really exhausting. The questioning got really exhausting. To the point I'm like please get outta my face. Do you not get the insecurities that comes behind the make-up? It hit home the most when my closest friends (some of whom have seen me without my signature wing-tipped look) make offhanded comments or remarks bout how I look.. and it makes me feel like maybe I should just stick with this. At least people are a lot nicer to me in my face, and when they're talking about it behind my back, I can more or less ignore it. Finally ranted about it to Gillie the other time, and she didn't get why people were so mean about it too. It's not wrong to want to look better right? I'm not hurting anyone, so why does it seem like I'm offending people?
Well, most of it's history now. I know it's gonna get worse when I start working, and I've pretty much kept to myself at the new campus, so.. I don't get very much of these comments anymore (I think). Took a lot, and it's still taking a lot, for me to come to terms with this. Eugene's seen me without, and I'm comfortable with him to meet him without make-up... and he's okay with it. True love? Haha idk, I still have my insecurities. But yeah.. just the whole point of the entry was to impress upon how easy it is for someone to bully, or be victimised, but if we hated on people less and empathised a bit more, cliche as it seems I'm sure this act of kindness will pass on. It's not cool to bring people down like that. It's not right, and it reflects badly on you. Partly the reason why I'd stopped hanging out with girl cliques is cos, the gossip gets to me a lot these days. Why talk about other people's lives and critique their choices when in actual fact, it has nothing to do with you? There's no fun or value in those conversations. If anything, I always leave those convos feeling I need to repent, go for confession, or get some serious reflecting done. Less hate more love, y'all. Got into bed before 3 last night and dragged myself up at 7 to start my day early. Kept glancing at the clock cos it's a little surreal for time to pass this slowly, and for me to have gotten so much done - all this before lunch. Revisions, finally meeting the bf up (yay!) and loads of plans for the week ahead. It's gonna be a really good one I can feel it, x